Author’s Note: I’ve come to the conclusion that my blog posts are too long and this is why I haven’t been able to finish a post for three months. (I am also really, REALLY prone to falling into a spiral of recursive reflection on my lack of blogging.) At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
The real reason is because for three of the last four months I have been unutterably exhausted and self-reflection has taken a backseat to survival.
We’re having a baby!
We made a social media announcement about a month ago, and I *started* a post at the time but managed to erase the draft without saving. Seriously. I was really cranky about it.
And now I’m
18.5 19 weeks along, so I figure I had better start blogging about it now to have a realistic chance of writing another post before this child starts kindergarten.
Overall, I will say that so far pregnancy has revealed to me (and my husband and the world) my true, Type A-minus personality. What is a Type A-minus personality? Something I made up. An A-minus personality is someone with Type A tendencies toward organization, perfectionism, and achievement…and whose said tendencies immediately degenerate into well-meaning chaos when placed under stress.
I started the year, as always, with such good intentions and high hopes for an organized, efficient and effective classroom. Containers were bought, supplies were sorted, folders were color-coded, all the things were labeled!!, and curriculum guides were paced by the day. I plunged forward into a new school with a host of new things I wanted to try. Modeling curriculum! Interactive notebooks! ClassDojo! [insert educational buzzword here]
We found out I was pregnant after the second full week of school. And since then I have progressively abandoned most of my ambitions in favor of clinging to mere survival. And this was very difficult for me at first because even though I’ve significantly loosened my grip on perfectionism since finishing school, I’m not used to just getting by.
It took me awhile to accept laying facedown on the couch for three hours as an acceptable after-school activity. It took me awhile to accept 8:30 as bedtime. It took me awhile to accept that my best right now is not the best that I want or even the best that I’m used to delivering, especially when I’m being evaluated. I still struggle sometimes, perhaps even more so now that I’ve gotten some of my energy back and I feel like I *should* work harder.
But I hope the new direction of this blog helps me acknowledge, accept, and celebrate my A-minus-ness. Because I know I’m not going to be perfect at this parenting thing. I don’t even have this wife-ing thing down yet, or daughtering, for that matter. (Not even close!) But I (have to) have faith that Science Guy and I will figure it out and everything will be okay.
And now it’s past my bedtime. Good night, everyone!