Science Guy was out of town for a conference this week so I spent the last five days home alone for what is likely the last time for at least 15 years. (Which I have to admit is mildly terrifying to an avowed introvert like me.) Before he left, I was talking to my mom who had also been home alone for three weeks while my dad was overseas and I asked if she wanted me to come stay at their house and keep her company. “Oh no,” she assured me, “I’m doing great. I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I go to work, I exercise, I went to dinner with the church group for Chinese New Year…and I’ve been watching a lot of movies.” This, to my mother, is probably the definition of paradise, so I let her soak up the solitude undisturbed.
On my own, I lived the third-trimester version of bachelorette life. I went to the gym THREE TIMES this week (which I don’t think I’ve done since becoming pregnant) and I feel great. I started sewing a few projects and then got in a huge fight with my sewing machine over a misthreading. (It should have TOLD me something was wrong before I sewed the ENTIRE blanket with no tension. We still aren’t on speaking terms and the nursery/sewing room remains strewn with forlorn fabric.) I covered the coffee table with cards from our wedding that are slowly going into a scrapbook and I haven’t put them away yet even though I’m picking Science Guy up in an hour. I cooked a vat of curry chicken on Monday and have been slowly picking at it ever since, alternating with dinners of cereal and canned soup. (I haven’t cooked for four days and I’m not sorry at all.) I bought a Snoogle and proceeded to colonize whatever small portion of the bed that wasn’t already overrun by memory foam and pillows. (I also haven’t made the bed in five days and am not sorry for that either.) I celebrated my non-diabetic status and an unexpected snow day with a slice of leftover Valentine’s Day cake for breakfast. Fire Monkey dutifully kept me company by being particularly active, especially at our checkup where he moved so much that the doctor had to follow him around for two minutes with the heartbeat monitor to get a reading, and then capped his performance with a spectacular wave that rippled across my entire belly. Even the doctor looked surprised. That’s my boy.
My job entails spending 7 hours a day with 150 teenagers, so alone time is never unwelcome. (It’s taken me several years, however, to get truly comfortable in my own company, paradoxically enough.) And in 2.5 months I’ll probably be bidding that solitude goodbye for quite some time. I’m excited to meet our baby but I know I’ll miss being alone with Science Guy, and also just being me. I don’t feel sad about it exactly, just aware of the impending loss. I’ve been participating in 40 Days of Calm with Jenna Long and that little moment of reflection every day has done wonders. I used to journal a lot (potentially a bit too much, if there is such thing!) but tapered that habit down after meeting Science Guy, since he serves as my human journal to bounce thoughts and feelings off of. But perhaps that is a practice worth reviving in the next 10 weeks to establish a small internal space of solitude even if I can’t be externally alone.
Off now to retrieve the husband,