We’ve been getting variations of the same question for the past few weeks: “Are you ready?”
In the sense of physical preparations, sure we are. I set up the basic nursery months ago and have been slowly rounding it out ever since. (Pictures soon, hopefully!) We have acquired no fewer than half a dozen baby-holding apparatuses (apparati?), which I’m told is really all we need for the first few weeks besides diapers and my mammary glands.
We’ve written a birth plan and selected a doula. The hospital bags have been packed for a month. There’s probably at least a month’s worth of meals in our freezer. I’ve rounded out my time at school (with just enough sick and personal days to spare!) and have my plans and sub in place for the next three weeks.
So we’re ready, right?
I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was about 16, and I still wonder if I’m ready for this or not. I’m afraid I won’t know how to be selfless enough to take care of such a tiny person and I’m afraid I won’t know how to keep from losing myself in my new role. Science Guy and I have maintained a pretty good balance of independence and interdependence in our lives together so far, but a baby will change things. There’s no going back, there’s no return policy, and the bigness and finality of that is a little daunting.
I’m coming to realize that I’ve drawn a great deal of self-confidence and indeed self-identity from being Organized and Prepared. Not quite in the same Swiss Army knife way as Science Guy, more like the color-coded folder tabs and binders and label maker way. And I really, really like being In Control and Planning Ahead.
Yes, I realize Fire Monkey’s primary job is to turn that upside down.
Yes, I realize that’s a lesson I probably need to learn.
No, I’m probably not ready, but I guess that’s probably the point.
See you soon,